“Andie, first of all, you are very much like me in the respect that you keep stuff close to your chest/secretive. I never knew/realised alot of this had happened to you in the past. I’m sorry it did.
Secondly, I’m assuming (I may be wrong in this) that you don’t want sympathy?

As with regards to domestic violence, it is never, ever justified. Ever. Whether it’s mental, emotional, physical abuse, whether it’s a man in a relationship doing it to the woman or even the other way around.

I understand (more now than when I was a teenager) that emotional abuse and someone grinding you down/making you feel 2 inches high by whatever means can be far worse than physical abuse. It’s wearing and can last alot longer, even when you are not with that certain person anymore. It bring up issues of self worth, self confidence, doubting yourself as a person and your abilities.

I can also understand how you can feel trapped and let it continue. I get it, I have no idea how it feels but I get it. It doesn’t make you (or anyone else currently in a situation like this) stupid or deserving of it.

I can also see why you kept it to yourself or only told a hand full of people about it. I get that too. You were/are still ashamed, ashamed that you allowed to to happen and didn’t say “no” right at the start or walked away.

It doesn’t make you a bad person or even weak. That person who abused you by whatever means, is the twat here. No respect or kindness whatsoever. He controlled you.

You are with Pete now

I completely understand why you don’t want to be reminded about it via association in the media about the whole Rhianna/Chris Brown thing and people giving their 2 cents on Twitter/Facebook, newspapers, online blogs, tv etc. It brings back memories you don’t want to have in the first place.

As I say, people are generally selfish. The world needs to be tolerant and considerate of others. If everyone treated everyone how like to be treated, as a golden rule, ideally the world would be alot less violent and peaceful place (aye I know I sound like a hippy!).”

Disclaimer number two. That stops me from seeing spelling and grammar errors.

So: There’s been this whole heap of shit in the news recently about this whole Rhianna/Chris Brown/Grammys thing. I’ve also seen a good deal of debate about it all on twitter, whether that be through the people I follow, the occasional hashtags I click on or to be more specific, clicking on a hashtag because  a friend posted it and I was curious.

A friend of mine recently posted the #famousabusers hashtag with some examples . Said friend shortly afterwards admitted to feeling guilty if the hashtag (and its contents I assume) were disrespectful to those who had survived abuse. I repeat her tweet that i wholeheartedly agree with: “I feel like having people who are known to have beaten, raped, molested still famous & still celebrated is disrespectful to abuse survivors.”

As i said, i wholeheartedly agree with my friend’s sentiment, and indeed her intention too. Violence in general, whether it be domestic or whatever the alternative, is not acceptable in any way. If we could all learn to stop using each others weaknesses  to further our own means i’m sure we’d be in a much better place (but that’s a long topic for another day).

Specifically looking at the issue of domestic violence, it’s something i’m ashamed to have been through, i know, you’re going to tell me I shouldn’t be ashamed that I let someone treat me like that, and I’m afraid to tell you, not that I want to offend you, that you are preaching to the choir. The thing is, as a ‘survivor’ (who now has a partner who is the loveliest person in the world) the physical abuse i suffered was a secondary to me.

I don’t mean it didn’t hurt, and i mean that physically and mentally. but the most pain, the most suffering and the most long term effects remain from the day to day, not the occasional violence, to my knowledge psychological abuse is not a crime. Yet how would you feel if every morning, when you wake up, someone tells you you’re useless, that your life is pointless, that they don’t know why you even bother and that you should probably just give up now… wouldn’t you after a while start to believe them, start to think that the physical violence that you’re receiving is what you deserve? wouldn’t you start to think that the physical violence is OK, and what people like you get every day?

Fortunately I’ve learned it’s not what I ‘Deserve’ not what i’m ‘Destined For’ and not what I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I’ve got Pete in my life now and he understands and listens and never gets angry.

I’m not really sure what the point i’m trying to make is, but it’s true from my perspective. I’ve been through domestic abuse, i’ve suffered mental abuse, i’ve suffered sexual abuse, despite these things I don’t want to read about it on twitter. Whether it be me or anyone on else going through that, selfish it might be. but i don’t want to remember.

Sorry.

The boy and I are meant to be off to my mum’s in a bit then off to midnight mass later, followed by the opening of ‘Santa gifts’. I always think it’s nice that different families have different Christmas traditions. My favourite Capes family tradition is the Christmas stocking. This is one that was started by my dad I think, making it feel extra special since his departure for lands heavenward. The recipe follows.

The Christmas stocking should be roughly the size of whatever gift bags they’re flogging in the shops this year.

It should be filled with a mixture of: a. Pointless gifts that are a good laugh. b. food. c. Less pointless gifts that might be useful given some stretch of the imagination. d. More food.

In the past we always opened out stockings on Christmas morning, then our ‘main’ presents after Christmas lunch. In more recent years (now me and Michelle are old enough to stay awake past 11) we’ve switched to opening the stocking gifts after midnight mass.

I usually enjoy singing along at midnight mass. This evening though (if I make it!) I’m afraid I’m going to be somewhat mute in order to avoid coughing attacks.

Assuming I don’t cough myself into some kind of coma Pete and I will be descending on the maternal household again for the ‘big day’ itself, I’m hoping if we take along some awesome board games mum will get the chance to join in rather than just tending to the turkey and spuds.

Pete taught me how to play dungeon defenders this morning. It’s kinda fun and I get to play as someone with a great ass and a crossbow. A win all around in my eyes.

Anyhow. /rambling

Have a good Christmas y’all.

Anyhow, said person is (I assume) a fan of a well known musical group whose names ends in ‘life’ and starts with ‘west’. Now… said group are not to my taste, but I don’t begrudge any person in their own personal musical taste… Now, while said person seems to be a well rounded, generally nice if a little bitchy occasionally, (but i’m sure she’d admit that herself if I’ve got her style of pen down as I think) fan of this group she has also through her tweets exposed me to the scary other world of the boyband fantypes.

To give an example, another nameless tweeter told someone they should kill themselves because they were the unfortunate messenger to bear the bad news that said group were doing no more press appearances?! No malice or owt in that particular statement, replied to with an (i’d hope) idle suggestion.

This brings me on to this whole ‘Celebrity Culture’ thing that really annoys me. Yes, I get it. I understand that celebrities are y’know… famous and shit. I do get that having a celeb (damn, I hate to abbreviate) as a follower or a friend (I mean an actual friend) or some shit may make you feel special. For me? no, i’d rather have friends who I know are good people, and by good I mean good of heart, not well behaved or famous enough that everyone is meant to love them, friends who remember my birthday, who come and cheer me up when i’m sad, who are always there on the end of the phone when I need to conduct an hour long bitching session…. I seriously doubt any ‘Celeb’ has the time to do this with me, and I wouldn’t expect them to.

So I say to those who are too busy worrying about that stuff, try to look at the people who care about you, not the people you’re vapidly trying to impress.

Maybe.

One Ronnie

Anyhow, i had planned another photo post, seeing as the lake just round the lane from my work has babyducks and babycoots and stuffs. stopped by yesterday (CAST AS TODAY) and took some photos.

i know i’d be healthier if i lost weight, the problem however is that i like eating and don’t like exercising.. show me a form of exercise that is enjoyable rather than painful and i’ll show you a calorific food that everyone hates.

i did 10 minutes on the exercise bike tonight, mostly to apease my mother, but additionally to make my legs ache and my throat hurt, ok, so those weren’t my intentions, but they were still the end results.

i know i’m not alone in my distaste for exercise. i just wish i could work out how to enjoy it better.

That said, i love their tables, cheap chairs, silly storage solutions that are completely impractical for anyone who cannot drill lots of holes in their walls, their TV units that only fit certain TVs, their chairs that…. well, i’d say they’re uncomfortable for anyone of average weight, but actually, they’re uncomfortable for everyone, aren’t they?

My favourite part of ikea is the kids section, i have a wooden train set and bowls and glasses from there. also a lil stuffed toy who is called rawr and lives on my desk.

in conclusion though, i’m sorry i said ikea sucks….

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not exactly “the only way is essex” territory, but take it at face value and it’s really all a big show, the keeping in of ‘annoying’ people (remember Stuart Baggs) the subtle cultivation then ignoration of relationships between contestants, the pulling people up against people that the know they won’t get on with. Actually thinking about that it’s like a mega version of Wife Swap.

Incidentally I used to love Wife Swap, but then they had that annoying one with that Lizzie lady or something? That put me off the whole idea.

Anyhow, i’ll continue watching The Apprentice You’re Hired. Night guys and gals.